Sunday, August 29, 2010
I have become terribly important to her as she desperately tries to maintain her independence fearful of being a burden on anyone. What a dilemma! I want to always be available to help her out when needed and yet losing myself to her every whim really isn't healthy for me, which ultimately won't be the best for her either. I get stressed beyond measure as I shirk my 'real job' to help out a neighbor. She, in turn, has to put up with my attitude silently because her usual means of defense is a very aggressive tongue which she can't use as she can't afford to alienate me. How mean spirited of me and how humiliating to her. I guess this is exactly what is meant by the expression 'as cold a charity'.
I was pondering this situation today as I walked her property checking for areas the need attention. I couldn't help but think in a heart centered world all of this old lady's neighbors would be looking in on her and valuing her for her wisdom, her stories, her contributions to the world and she would feel valued and wouldn't laser people with her tongue - er, well, perhaps not as often! So, that has to start with me. How can I help her live her life with dignity? It's very easy for me to say that she isn't my problem and no-one could blame me for staying on my side of the fence, but that isn't an option for me. We are all brothers and sisters. If one of us is cut we all bleed. As I prayed for coping skills and boundary reinforcements I noticed these ceramic doves my neighbor has attached to her palm trees. Universal symbols of peace? Perhaps my prayers were heard after all? We'll see.