I have become terribly important to her as she desperately tries to maintain her independence fearful of being a burden on anyone. What a dilemma! I want to always be available to help her out when needed and yet losing myself to her every whim really isn't healthy for me, which ultimately won't be the best for her either. I get stressed beyond measure as I shirk my 'real job' to help out a neighbor. She, in turn, has to put up with my attitude silently because her usual means of defense is a very aggressive tongue which she can't use as she can't afford to alienate me. How mean spirited of me and how humiliating to her. I guess this is exactly what is meant by the expression 'as cold a charity'.
I was pondering this situation today as I walked her property checking for areas the need attention. I couldn't help but think in a heart centered world all of this old lady's neighbors would be looking in on her and valuing her for her wisdom, her stories, her contributions to the world and she would feel valued and wouldn't laser people with her tongue - er, well, perhaps not as often! So, that has to start with me. How can I help her live her life with dignity? It's very easy for me to say that she isn't my problem and no-one could blame me for staying on my side of the fence, but that isn't an option for me. We are all brothers and sisters. If one of us is cut we all bleed. As I prayed for coping skills and boundary reinforcements I noticed these ceramic doves my neighbor has attached to her palm trees. Universal symbols of peace? Perhaps my prayers were heard after all? We'll see.
6 comments:
Somebody should sit down with her and write down her memories. I'm sure we could all learn some things from her!
Barb, as always, your photos and commentary are so insightful. I love each and every post. To extend ourselves to our fellow journey men should be in divine connection, not attachment. When we come from this place of connect, rather than attach, we are not drained by the other, but filled with their love and wisdom. Their joy can flow THROUGH us. May we all connect with someone around us today! Namaste, Patti
Very wonderful post.
What a lovely post. Sounds like you are level headed and are doing exactly what this lady needs, providing her with company and peace of mind knowing that you are there if she needs you, you in turn do what she really needs but don't disempower her by doing to much. Most importantly, you remember you too and work on the balance. My grandparents run a 'good turn' scheme in their village and are often running around collecting peoples prescriptions, taking 98 year old ladies swimming, doing a spot of shopping and so on. Sometimes it makes me laugh as nanna once had to get the person she was taking to a hospital appointment to get her a wheelchair and push her into the hospital. When is it time to give up on others and say there is not enough time, good health etc? I think you are either a helping sort that cares in practical ways, or not. Well done you for being you xx
A wonderful post. I did write a long comment but it disappeared. Sounds like you have the balance just right and remember to take time out for you too. xJ
Thank you, Jasmine. I'm pleased to report both your posts came through. Your parents sound a lot like mine, lol. My dad was cutting and delivering free firewood to the 'old age pensioners' completely forgetting he was one of them, too! Yes, I will continue to help out the old girl and, as you thoughtfully pointed out, not dis-empower her.
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